I’m Patrick Virgie. You may know me as the guy this website’s named after.

But I’m also a copywriter + creative.

Now, I could go on about how awesome and employable I am, but that’s not fun. So here are some of my greatest failures.

• I flunked out of kindergarten because I couldn’t grasp the complexities of the alphabet. Little did Ms. Eldridge know, I’d go on to make a career off the alphabet. How ‘bout them Cheerios, Ms. E!

• On October 5th, 2019, I performed stand-up for a NY CHANNEL 5 segment about aspiring comedians. It was me, two news anchors, a giant camera, and no crowd. I ate sh*t, of course.

• I was wayyyy too old when I found out Buffalo sauce has no relation to the animal. I thought they helped make it back in the day or something. Idk.